Flustrated!
So I went to the midwife for my six week appt yesterday and it was
just not a good appointment. I am still all swollen inside and I got
into an argument with her over whether or not I had stitches in my
perineum. I did NOT. Not only do I know where the stitches were
exactly (I could feel them with my fingers, looked in the mirror while
she was stitching, she had to actually nip a piece of my flesh off
that didn't get stitched up, talked about it with the birth assistant
who did the actual stitching), but I had my husband checking me every
day or so to make sure I was healing correctly. So he knows what was
there, too! (Bet he never thought he'd be an OB in training! LOL!)
There were no stitches in my perineum! There may have been one tiny
one... maybe??? I had a lump there, but last time I was there I asked
about this lump (tiny, hard, wierd, foriegn feeling), and she said it
was a pimple. OK I have never had a pimple on my perineum in my life!
But whatever!
The birth assistant wasn't there yesterday and apparently was vague in
her notes about *where* I tore. While I was being stitched up, the
midwife was examining Bella, weighing, etc. So she didn't see. But
wtf does this woman think this great big glob of swelling inside me is
from anyways????
She said, btw, for that swelling... "Give it six months." UGGGHHHH.
AND I have an infection (vaginosis), oh joy of joys...which I bet I
got from taking sitz baths which I did not want to take anyways! So
now I'm on antibiotics. :(
I have *loved* my experience with my midwives up until this whole
stitching debacle but now I feel... angry and kind of violated. Like
how could she not know exactly what happened to me, and how could she
argue with me and tell me I'm wrong about what was stitched where
inside of myself!
Meanwhile, Bella is still only weighing 8lbs. How is she not gaining
weight? WTF, WTF, WTF! I am making an appt to take her in and get
checked out but talk about freaking out! This child is attached to my
boobs 24/7 and NOT gaining? What is wrong with me???? :( :( :(