AP Baby

I didn't feel like I needed a doula to attend my birth; with my husband, the midwife, and the midwife's assistant, it seemed like it would be crowded enough to me. But everyone kept pressuring me to have a doula, have a doula, and impressing upon me the vital importance of having a doula... so, finally, I caved.

I really should know better. I should always listen to my instincts, because when I don't, I find myself doing what I am doing now... regretting not having listened to my instincts.

I interviewed a doula that my midwives recommended; they originally told me she was a student doula who'd be glad to attend for free, for the experience. She told me it'd be $150. Whatever, the money isn't that big a deal. I had a very mixed impression of her when we met. She seemed sweet, but clueless. For example, she told me how dismayed she was at a recent hospital birth when the nurses were pressuring her client to get an epidural, and said how she just couldn't step in. I thought a doula was supposed to step in, and be an advocate for their client.

She also mentioned that she doesn't "medicate" her children, and that if I were concerned about my birth to just let "God" guide me. I asked her to please not mention religion in any way shape or form. *sigh*

The day of my birth, I still wasn't even sure if I'd call her. I just didn't feel like she'd be that helpful, didn't feel like I'd want her there, didn't think she'd be any assistance at all. But finally I told my husband to call her... I figured she could run for drinks and things like that so my husband could focus on me, and I felt a little awkward asking the midwives to do that. (In retrospect I shouldn't have. It wouldn't have been a big deal for them to help with that during my labor and we paid them a lot of money!)

So she came, and during my birth she did get me a drink a few times. But mostly she just stared at me. I'm not kidding, I'd be laboring and open my eyes and she'd be three feet away, just looking at me. So she effectively made me feel like an animal at the zoo. She also suggested I labor on the toilet several times when I was in the middle of contractions, making me finally snap at her, "STOP talking to me when I'm having a contraction!"

I think she may have helped the midwives with lights and towels during the birth itself, and the one really really good thing she did... she took the birth video. She didn't do the best job in the world, but at least I have a video of the birth.

After the birth, I spoke to her and let her know that Charlie would be going to Bahrain for ten days when Bella was only a few weeks old, and that I'd really appreciate her postpartum doula services to help me out. Even just the company would be helpful, especially another mama! She said she would love to do that, and left.

I called her... didn't get a call back.

I called again... I was thinking, maybe she was upset that I snapped at her during my labor? But I mean... come on, I was in labor! Surely a doula would know better than to take that personally? So I left her a message asking if I'd upset her in any way. Finally she called back and told me that no, she was looking forward to seeing Bella and I while Charlie was out of town. We agreed on a date and time for her to come out.

That date and time came and went. That night, several hours after she had been due to arrive, I left her a voicemail... I said we must've crossed wires and would she please call to reschedule?

I never got a call back... so no help at all while Charlie was gone.

So that is my big doula experience. I can't imagine ever feeling compelled to hire another. I know lots of people love doulas, and I suppose if your husband or partner is not helpful during your labors I can see doing it, but...clearly, it's not for me.