AP Baby

Hindsight really is 20/20. For the first six weeks of her life, some things were going on that were making me feel really anxious. Now I know that the problem and the source of all these worries were my low milk supply and my baby being hungry.

* She SHRIEKED and screamed anytime I laid her down to change her or put her down anywhere at all. I thought this was just newborn wanting mama stuff. I did ask several people if it was normal for newborns to shriek and scream so much during diaper changes, and was assured it was. I felt like I was violating my own baby. :( Seriously, that may sound silly, but she is already her own little person. I'm just lucky enough to be able to care for her now. Anyways, I believe that many babies may object to having their dipes changed... but in my babies case, she was just hungry! Now, with a full belly, she smiles and coos up at me while I change her, or stares in rapt admiration at the ceiling fan over her head.

* She nursed all the time, nonstop, and wanted to be latched on perpetually. My first LC advised me that she was sucking just to pacify, and I should make the decision as to whether or not I wanted to allow that or wanted to give her a pacifier. And I believe some babies do this and don't have a problem. My baby, however, no longer "sucks to pacify." Turns out, she was staying latched on because she wasn't getting enough to eat. I believe this is the only reason she managed to gain two ounces from her lowest weight.

* I never definitively felt my milk come in. I noticed the color gradually change from yellowish-clear to white, but it was gradual.

* I never experienced engorgement.

* I wasn't feeling let-down sensations.

* My baby wasn't pooping. After her initial meconium poops, she did not poop again for 7 days, which is normal for an older breastfed baby... but *not* normal for a brand newborn. Everyone kept telling me "Just wait.. it'll come and be HUGE!" Um, no. Her first poop after 7 days of no poop was just a little thing. Then we went another 7 days. My midwife and doctor *both* told me this was ok. WTF! She was not getting enough to eat, which should've been obvious as...

* My baby wasn't gaining weight!

I feel so awful when I think of the fact that for the first six weeks of her life, my baby was hungry! I had suspicions that my milk wasn't as plentiful as I wanted it to be, but I really did not think she was just... hungry. :(

I do feel let-down now, thank goodness, and can tell my breasts are feeling fuller. I'm able to pump more. Today Bella had two bottles of pumped breastmilk as supplement instead of formula... that is a really huge accomplishment! So I'm feeling hopeful. I keep thinking how lucky I am to be able to pay for lactation consultants and buy a breast pump and above all else, stay home with my baby! If I were a WOHM (work out of the home mama), I'd be toast so far as breastfeeding goes. So really even though I've been having a hard time with so many things, I am totally blessed and I know it.