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Bella is 15 months old today, and yep, we are still nursing. Several times a day, even. She pulls down my shirt in public, even! And I have to say that I am thrilled beyond belief to have nursed long enough to hear her giggle with glee as I approach with bared breasts. :)
My birth video is gone, deleted forever, destroyed when my mac mini suffered a fatal hardware crash. "Severe platter damage," are three words you never want to hear in relation to the computer storing some of your most amazing memories. My birth video, photos of my midwives inspecting my placenta, lots of videos including one of my belly moving around with Bella inside... *sigh*...
But I still love looking at birth videos and stories, and here are a few I'd like to share. Birth inspiration!
I love this first one, which is a birth story with photos of a hospital birth! A beautiful hospital birth, something considered impossible by so many people. Not so at all, just takes compassionate, well-informed attendants, peace, and trust of birth. It's truly amazing and in my opinion, it is what *all* hospital birth practitioners should be aspiring to provide their clients. Even high-risk moms deserve peace, calm, and the most serene birth experience that can be provided while still keeping her and her baby safe.
I just watched this movie for the first time, it is of a lesbian couples unattended birth at home, and lotus birth! You can click the link or watch the movie embedded right here. This is pretty cool because I don't think I've ever seen a visual documentation of a lotus birth before; I kind of wish there were more detail! (But I'm nosy like that!)
Finally, for a little humor relief... Snakes on a Homebirth!
My baby is a horrible sleeper. She is 15 months old (almost, on the 30th!), and not only does she not sleep through the night, lately getting her to sleep at all has been a huge battle. It used to be that she went to sleep relatively easily and then woke up to eat several times a night, with occasional waking-to-party evenings as well. Of course it's sleep, and the one thing I've learned as a mama so far is that sleep is never constant with babies. She's perpetually learning, her brain is growing, her body is growing, her mind is making huge leaps all the time, so it's no wonder. Not to mention teething, yikes.
But boy, waking up next to her is such a delight. Even when I'm exhausted, even when I'm thinking "Oh please go back to sleep!" (which is often), Bella's wake-up calls make me smile. She will often sit up next to me, and start hollering... "AH!" Very short kind of staccato sound, until I wake. If that doesn't work she will start patting me impatiently, and finally she will start climbing on me, pushing my shirt out of the way to latch on. Usually she is all smiles, so that there in the gloom the first thing I see when I open my bleary eyes is that beautiful, radiant smile. I wind up beginning my day with nursies and covering her with kisses, which in my not-so-humble opinion, is a pretty amazing way to start a day.
It does, it makes up for all the sleepless nights. Tonight she just couldn't fall asleep and I wound up having to drive her down. She fell asleep in her carseat holding her baby doll, which is the first time she's done that. I adore her.
Have you ever heard of Hathor the Cowgoddess? (I'm sorry, I'm not including a link. Google it if you'd like to visit her site.) Gosh I really used to love her, in fact I actually bought two of her prints and calenders as gifts for my midwives. But like many of the people on a popular NFL website, Hathor has become more bitch than birth goddess, more interested in slamming other moms than she is advancing the goals of natural birth and breastfeeding.
For example...
First, we have this comic, which slams not only doctors who don't support homebirth, but also slams homebirth midwives.
So, y'know, midwives are completely unnecessary. Especially if they are Certified Nurse Midwives!
This attitude is why so many women who should not be, are attempting to have unassisted pregnancies and births. There is this insidious idea that if you just trust your body enough, you will be able to have an uncomplicated birth with no assistance at all. Unfortunately this idea is not only false, but actually dangerous. The natural birth movement is not about creating martyrs, and it's not a contest. There is no "you are not natural enough" committee, even though some people (like Hathor) try to act like it. The natural birth movement should be about empowering women to make informed and educated decisions which will lead to happy, healthy, moms and babies.
Next up for your degradation as a mother, we have this lovely image.
Man, you could almost miss it, it is so subtle. But see that? See that there? Bottlefeeding moms don't get to experience *the love* of breastfeeding. There is not as much love if you bottlefeed your child, it's a chemical fact according to Hathor!
As a mom who does both, I have to tell you that I do understand some of the criticism of bottles, without question. Let's face it, it can create distance between mama and baby. I've seen enough tiny babies with bottles propped, lying alone in their strollers, to be able to attest to that. But bottlefeeding can also be done with love between mother and child, and oxytocin is connected to more than just nipple stimulation. I wonder if Hathor considered the many moms out there who, like me, desperately wanted to breastfeed exclusively but were unable to do so. I guess the dig was more important than considering the feelings of other mothers.
I am a lover of all things birth, a total lactivist, a proponent of attachment parenting. I'm against letting babies cry it out or leaving them alone in their strollers or not picking them up when they cry. But I don't believe in slamming other moms to make my point. That mom who had her baby with the bottle propped probably doesn't know why she shouldn't do that. I could've been that mom a few years ago! If I'd had a baby when I was 20 instead of 33, I guarantee you that I *would* have been that mom, because for me personally I would've given it a lot less thought. I just would've done what everyone else did, and lots of moms prop bottles! So even though I now think that it is wrong to do (moms of multiples get a pass on this one), I won't judge. (There are many reasons a mom might prop a bottle. Like I said, I can't judge.)
There are ways to promote the AP/NFL lifestyle *without* climbing up on a high horse. Hopefully Hathor will eventually see that.
I don't know why I'm still awake, honestly, this is just not the smartest thing I've ever done. But dammit, it is so nice to have a few, just a few, moments of peace in a day. Oh how I adore my gorgeous little daughter, but man, she is a demanding little thing! Not only does she want 100% of my attention 24/7, but her sleep of late has been craptastic. Well, let me rephrase: more craptastic than usual. Last night she was up from 11pm until 3am! Then the little bugger had the nerve to wake up for the day at her normal time of 7:30am. I am so tired.
Honestly I feel like a terrible mother. During the day I just adore my little one, I cover her with kisses, I patiently play all the games, I read the books over and over again, I do all the mom stuff. (Although today I confess to using some tv to help; I was just so tired!) But at night, when she won't sleep, cannot sleep, and is just miserable in every way... I swear I cannot stand her. I want to throw her out a window. I want to run away, go get a hotel, crawl into a comfy bed and just... GO. TO. SLEEP.
Worse yet, when she is in that kind of mood my husband really cannot do anything for her, she just wants mama, and she is very specific about *how* she wants mama. Mama cannot just hold her, I have to wear her on my back, I cannot sit and rock on the ball, I have to walk (or vice versa, depending). On and on and on. Last night after hours of walking around the house (and around, and around, and around), and rocking on the ball (and rocking, and rocking, and rocking), I finally took her for a drive at 2:30 in the morning, and she finally, FINALLY fell asleep.
Oh, so why am I not in bed right now? I do not even know. I guess I am venting, and also kind of wired, you know that wired feeling you get when you are just soooooo tired. I am worried she will do what she did last night, and wake up just as I'm coming to bed.
I'm starting to think that dosing a child with a little benadryl really isn't such a bad thing after all, and for even thinking such a thing I'm sure I should turn my crunchy card in. Oh well.
OK, I'm going to go crawl into bed. Wish me luck.
First, I have to confess that my home is full of plastic monstrosities. I can't help it, and the truth is, the majority of them are for *my* sanity. Not only do I sometimes need something to really hold my daughters attention, but *I* get bored with her toys and find myself wanting new ones to play with.
Anyways, I am trying to get more natural toys, but sometimes I think the selection is just... well, not so great. Let's face it; a 14 month old baby is going to be much more attracted to something with bright colors and music than they are a sweetly natural wooden nesting rings set. At least, my toddler is!
But that was all before I found Etsy.
Etsy, etsy... I am so full of Etsy lust these days. I haven't bought that many things there yet, but it could be so dangerous! I did buy my daughter, who adores balls, a handmade (well, everything on Etsy is handmade) ball with a bell inside. It's gorgeous. Here's a photo.
How sweet is that!
And here is my little one exploring it...
If you're interested in purchasing a similar ball, check out the seller
Just browsing through their toys is a feast for the eyes and you will find yourself ODing on cuteness. I mean, check out the adorableness!
I'm really excited to be able to help support work-at-home-moms and obtain some natural, safe toys in the process!
!
I think it's the lack of sleep. So just for fun, a Meme...
A set of random questions:
1. What's your favorite ice cream flavor?
Cherry Garcia
2. What shampoo do you use?
Curly Wurly from Lush
3. How do you like your eggs?
Over medium
4. What's the first thing you do when you get online?
Check my email, then check my favorite message boards
5. What is your favorite tv show?
The Simpsons
6. Which do you prefer, the sunrise or the sunset?
Sunset
7. When is the last time you went to the mall?
A few weeks ago to let my toddler run wild.
8. What was the last food that you ate?
A Weight Watchers ice cream sandwich. (Delish! 2 pts!)
9. What is your favorite animal?
Dogs
10. Do you collect anything?
Baby carriers!
Meme is from
randomness...feed your mind and your blog