I should really be sleeping right now...
I don't know why I'm still awake, honestly, this is just not the smartest thing I've ever done. But dammit, it is so nice to have a few, just a few, moments of peace in a day. Oh how I adore my gorgeous little daughter, but man, she is a demanding little thing! Not only does she want 100% of my attention 24/7, but her sleep of late has been craptastic. Well, let me rephrase: more craptastic than usual. Last night she was up from 11pm until 3am! Then the little bugger had the nerve to wake up for the day at her normal time of 7:30am. I am so tired.
Honestly I feel like a terrible mother. During the day I just adore my little one, I cover her with kisses, I patiently play all the games, I read the books over and over again, I do all the mom stuff. (Although today I confess to using some tv to help; I was just so tired!) But at night, when she won't sleep, cannot sleep, and is just miserable in every way... I swear I cannot stand her. I want to throw her out a window. I want to run away, go get a hotel, crawl into a comfy bed and just... GO. TO. SLEEP.
Worse yet, when she is in that kind of mood my husband really cannot do anything for her, she just wants mama, and she is very specific about *how* she wants mama. Mama cannot just hold her, I have to wear her on my back, I cannot sit and rock on the ball, I have to walk (or vice versa, depending). On and on and on. Last night after hours of walking around the house (and around, and around, and around), and rocking on the ball (and rocking, and rocking, and rocking), I finally took her for a drive at 2:30 in the morning, and she finally, FINALLY fell asleep.
Oh, so why am I not in bed right now? I do not even know. I guess I am venting, and also kind of wired, you know that wired feeling you get when you are just soooooo tired. I am worried she will do what she did last night, and wake up just as I'm coming to bed.
I'm starting to think that dosing a child with a little benadryl really isn't such a bad thing after all, and for even thinking such a thing I'm sure I should turn my crunchy card in. Oh well.
OK, I'm going to go crawl into bed. Wish me luck.