AP Baby

I have made a huge breakthrough. I have found the cure for insomnia! You see, I suffered from insomnia for many years. Some nights I would literally be in tears, so exhausted but unable to sleep. Really, insomnia is awful. So, the answer?

Have a baby!

But not just any baby... you need to get your hands on a baby who hates to sleep!

And then you will find yourself, like me, suddenly falling asleep whenever you get within shouting distance of a bed. I used to be quite persnickety about sleep; light, what I was wearing, the pillows, everything had to be *just so.* Now, I fall asleep with no pillows, no blankets, in jeans, with keys in my pocket, hair in ponytails... seriously, it doesn't matter. I have come very close to falling asleep while getting my eyebrows waxed; and that HURTS.

Now if only I could cure my baby's lack of sleeping...

Posted by JoAnna at 08:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

This is an amazing interview of Barack Obama and BlogHer! I just think it is incredibly cool that he took the time to speak with a womans blogging network.

Posted by JoAnna at 07:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I love, love, loved this post by Kneeling Woman which discusses our current level of mommy-wars and the simple fact that no matter what particular choices a woman makes, we are each more than just mothers... we are women!

Being a mother is about being a mother........We give birth. We do our best each and every time. That's enough; just being who and what we are and loving what we do; is enough.

Get on over there and check it out, it is long but a wonderful read!

Posted by JoAnna at 06:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I had a really, really rough day a few days ago. Way too many "bad mama" moments. One of them happened when my sweet, angelic daughter cast a devilish glance over her shoulder and *ran* away from me towards the street. I wanted to spank her so, so badly. The entire time I was getting her under control, I had a little rant going in my head: "You will not hit your daughter, do not hit your child, do not hit your child."

I don't believe in spanking. But I'm haunted by a lot of spanking demons.

Spanking is not at all how I want to raise my daughter. And quite frankly, I don't think it would work anyways. If anything it would make it even more of a power struggle, and if there is anything Bella loves and looks forward to, it is a power struggle!

So I'm pondering other ways to handle this particular problem, and one of them is to teach Bella the "Freeze," game, but really make it a game. I'm also thinking I could tell her to "Jump!" Or "Spin," or ANYTHING except "stop," or "come back here," or "don't go in the street/jump in that huge puddle/eat that questionable object in your hand."

Being creative is so much harder than spanking though. I can get why someone would just go there, not knowing what else to do.

I love the concept of the "Freeze" game though, and honestly I wish she would FREEZE! Just for a minute. I need to catch up.

Lately she is just growing so fast, my head is spinning. Suddenly my little girl is climbing up on our kitchen chairs. I turn around and see that she has climbed up into my chair and is sitting in front of my computer, right hand poised on the mouse, clicking away, beaming, as if to say: "Look Mama, I'm hacking!" She is insistent upon climbing up on the chair to "help" me cook or wash dishes. She wants to be outside every. single. second. She runs around giving kisses and hugs and she answers questions with a thoughtful nod or an emphatic shake of her head. She plays in the bathtub, by herself. (While I sit on the closed toilet reading a book.)

She can touch her head, shoulders, knees AND toes. Not to mention her nose. The other day she whimpered as she was waking up, so I went and lay down beside her. She nursed for a while, then suddenly opened her eyes and looked at me, smile so big she was glowing in the dark room. "Nose," she proclaimed clearly. Tonight she was eating pears and she said "paarrreee."

And, of course, she is now officially running! Like, airborne! So if you have any creative ideas for making her want to run *towards* me instead of towards the street, I sure would be grateful!

Who is this child and what has she done with my baby? I'll catch up with her eventually, right?

Posted by JoAnna at 03:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Bella *adores* books. I do love watching her with books, and how excited she is about books, and I love to read to her and with her. So we have a pretty big line-up of books we read before bedtime every night. (Well, most nights; lately her routine has been, erhhmmm, completely out of kilter, so we haven't read as much.) Here's our current stash.

I love Sandra Boynton! What are you reading to your little ones at night?

I can't wait until Bella is old enough to get chapters, and I can read her all of my childhood favorites; Harriet the Spy, A Wrinkle in Time, Bridge to Terabithia (nope, I did not see the movie), James and the Giant Peach, oh so many wonderful books!

Posted by JoAnna at 06:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

In each moment, you think you will remember everything. Every little breath and sigh, every smile, laugh, giggle. The way the light hits her little face, upturned nose, eyelashes fluttering. But nope. No. You won't.

So write everything down; jot down notes every time you can think of it. Like, today Bella walked up steps with me just holding her hand, for the first time. Very cool. Also, she is now giving fishy-face kisses where she sucks the sides of her mouth in and kisses you. She is also completely obsessed with "helping" in the kitchen, on a chair pulled up to the counter, wooden spoon in hand. She goes completely hysterical if you try to move her away. She also got up on the chair by herself (!!!!) today. My 16 month old girl!

What I remember from those days after she was born is so splotchy now, and you really do think you will remember it forever, this tiny creature in your arms! I remember feeling a little detached and out of it at first, I think I was a bit shell-shocked by the birth and the entire process. I couldn't concentrate on my baby because the cord was hurting me. My skin is soooo sensitive. I remember nursing for the first time and thinking that it would all go fine, we would be fine together. Ha!

I remember sleeping with her on my belly; I was scared I'd drop her, or roll over on her, our bed was just not big enough for the three of us. (We got a new one.) I remember not being able to find a comfy position to nurse in at first; I wish I'd prepared better for that and will for the next baby. I remember sitting up in bed with a pillow on my lap to prop her up, and just crying; my back hurt so badly, I was so tired, and next thing I knew my nipples were bleeding. I remember fumbling to the bathroom with Bella in my red hotsling, in the dark, in the middle of the night. I was using the peri bottle to help with the soreness when I peed, and needed both hands. I remember being up in the middle of the night, sitting on the couch, nursing and watching VH1 and listening to videos. The Fray... "I stayed up with you all night..." That kind of resonated with me!

I remember... cheesecake! I had a homemade cheesecake that served as my go to meal for a while. Hey, fat and protein and homemade and calories in an easy to grab format; worked for me. (Again, something I'll plan for better next time!)

I remember days when my husband would come home and I would be sitting there with Bella asleep in my lap, unable to move, having to pee, wanting to just get up and WALK, and handing her to him... "TAKE THIS BABY."

I remember so many tears shed over my low supply, taping the SNS to my breast and the awful rash I got from the tape. (Yep, tried eight hundred kinds of tape. Sensitive skin!) Formula dribbles all over my couch, me, the baby... everything. Evil SNS, how I hate/love you. My poor skinny baby, cannot even think of her being so thin and everyone saying "Oh, she is fine." Fine NOW, at a chunky 32 lbs! She is not destined to be a lil' petite thing, that is all.

The memories are just so fleeting. I lie in bed with her and hold her so close and kiss her and kiss her because I just sometimes want to freeze the moment, so precious, holding her in my arms. Soon she will be running away from me, embarrassed by me, telling me I don't understand her, and oh please just don't ever let her say she hates me. My heart might just break, even though I know it's a teen thing. I don't think I could take it. It's hard for me to look ahead, or look back, and even looking right at her sometimes I feel like my heart is going to just straight up explode out of my chest, her beauty and wonder and... awe.

However, none of the above means that I didn't want to throw her beautiful self right out the fucking window last night when she wouldn't stop mauling my tits!! I guess I mother to extremes.

Posted by JoAnna at 04:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)