AP Baby

WMITW, #2

2008-08-19T19:19:05Z

That's Worst Mama in the World, FYI...

Yesterday morning I really really wanted to lie on my LEFT side, but Bella wanted to nurse, and I was half asleep. So I rolled over on my left, and brought her with me, which meant she was closer to the edge of the bed, instead of in the middle, like usual.

See, usually if she rolls towards my side of the bed, she bumps into me. And she does that a LOT. She is always sleepily searching for mama.

But yesterday she rolled towards my side of the bed AND FELL OFF THE BED.

I woke up to hear her shrieking, grabbed her, cuddled her, she was just inconsolable. Of course it was dark and stuff, so I couldn't see really. Finally got her nursing and calmed down.

It wasn't until about a half hour later that I saw why she was crying *so* hard. As if it wasn't enough to wake up by falling out of the bed like that, she landed on the lid of a water bottle. A gallon jug, so the lid is about 2 inches in diameter. She has the perfect print of the lid on her forehead, in a cut. Perfectly circular cut on my baby's head. :(

Yep. WMITW! (Can't you hear Keith Olbermann saying that... Worst Mama in the WORRRRRRRRRRRRRLD!)

OK, the face in the first two photos is because I wouldn't give her the camera:

Is that pitiful or what? So I had to let her take some pictures of the messy kitchen.

(Oreos? What Oreos? You don't see any oreos. There are no oreos.)

And then I finally was able to sneak a good shot:

My poor baby!!!!!!!!!

One of those nights...

2008-08-19T04:13:33Z

Well I'm having my second post-baby cycle, and it has just knocked me on my ass. I slept for three hours during Bella's nap today, which is *nuts* for me. I'm just wiped. So tonight, after her bath, when Bella asked to go on Daddy's back, I thought.. YES! Score! They went out for a walk, and I was left to my own devices. Peace and quiet, for a change. It was almost 10 pm, so I felt perfectly reasonable to assume that Bella would be sleeping when they returned. I pulled out the laundry that needed folding, ordered The Boleyn Girl on OnDemand, and settled in to enjoy myself when...

...

Yep, they came back. "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii," echoing up through the hallway.

My husband said she wouldn't stop asking for me.

Er... and that matters to me HOW exactly? I don't think he gets, sometimes, that she spends All. Day. Long. asking for him. But he is at work, there is no option. Why not pretend I'm at work? *sigh*

Sometimes I just have a hard time shifting gears, and tonight was one of those times. Of course she immediately is getting into the laundry (she "helps" by picking up my nice neat piles and tossing them willy nilly), climbing all over me, wanting to nurse, wanting this and that and to watch Elmo and crocodiles and.. ARGH. Finally I get up, start straightening up, having decided to wear/vacuum her down.

I get to vacuuming, figuring it will only take a few minutes.

Er...

Well, 20 minutes later I am dripping with sweat, but she wakes up as soon as I turn off the vacuum. I decide that's ok, because she should really go to sleep on her own anyways now that she is wound down and sleepy. Put her in bed and she wants to nurse, she wants mama, she wants this and that. I nurse her for a minute (sometimes I think this nursing is like her way of proving that mama is really there with her), give her her bottle, and hope for the best. A few minutes later, thinking she is sleeping, I try to sneak away and...

She wakes completely.

So now she is out being driven down by my husband.

But you can't say I didn't try!

Of course now it is too late to watch the Boleyn Girl if I want to be functional in the morning.

Defenders of Marriage

2008-08-02T19:38:49Z

July LIF

2008-07-25T04:55:06Z

My goodies!

]]>

Sleepless

2008-07-25T03:52:51Z

We have been going through some really brutal sleep issues. That's nothing new of course, but it's been even worse lately! (Every time I think it cannot get worse, it does.) I have been reassuring myself by reading (and re-reading, after all, I slept through it the first time) Ask Moxie's post about the 18 month sleep regression, which we've been dealing with for the past several months. It's been awful. Example: Bedtime at 8pm, but up at 11pm... and up until 4am! This is with us trying everything we can think of, to get her to sleep. Actually, mostly me... after all, my husband has to get up at 6:30 and go to work! But at 3am I finally got him up and asked him to take her out for a drive, I was just so frustrated.

Of course she can tell when I get frustrated too, and she starts doing this adorable little "Hi!" thing that just drives me even more insane because HELLO GO TO SLEEP I AM TIRED OF YOUR CUTE ALREADY.

Last night was better. I decided to fight it out with her and keep her in bed even if she wanted out. Well, that wound up being a big mistake because after a 2 hour battle, she took a huge poop, and then went right to sleep. ARGH!

Today I went out and bought every sleep book available. Of course, tonight she went down to sleep without a hitch and is sleeping like a gorgeous angel. No longer a baby, though, definitely a child now, long strong legs curled against a pillow, face all shmooshed up. So gorgeous. Cannot believe she is not a baby anymore. Cannot believe she is finally asleep!

Discipline

2008-07-11T21:50:52Z

I've never been a very disciplined person. Meaning I didn't have much discipline from my parents as a child, rebelled against the little they tried to provide when I was a teen, and have never really gotten the whole self-discipline thing very well. I am working on it, and I'm now working on providing more concrete, firm discipline for Bella as needed. I practice gentle discipline, I do not believe in spanking. I do think that children require limits and guidance and I am trying to give that to her. For example, she will take my water bottle, drink, and then throw it on the ground and walk off. I'm now finding a way to make her go back, pick it up, give it to me, and wipe up the water she got all over the place.

]]> This really consists of me helping her every step of the way, but still, I figure she is learning, right? I've also started doing very gentle time-outs when I'm not sure what else to do with her, especially when she is hitting. Quite often she is hitting HERSELF which is horrible to see, and I hate it so much! I discussed it with her pediatrician and apparently it is normal, but that doesn't make it better for me. I have tried eighty zillion different ways of reacting to see if anything makes a difference, and, nope, it doesn't. So now if she is just out of control hitting herself or me or trying to hit the dog, I take her into our spare room, sit her on the bed, and tell her to just take a minute and I will be right back. I'm not yelling, or shaming, or telling her she is bad. I very much want her to understand that it is ok to feel what she is feeling, and she knows she can hit a pillow or the couch all she wants. But hitting herself or others is absolutely not ok.

Today I really lost my shit with her though: sign me up for Worst Mommy in the World. We were on a walk in the woods, and this was our last walk for a while, after what she put me through! She just wants to run away from me. For a while I would holler, "Bye!" and walk in the other direction, and that worked, a little. But now she is like, "Whatever! I do what I want!" and ignores me completely. Miss Smartie Pants knows darned well that I won't really leave her. But she is allowing herself to get so far from me that it scares me to death! And then I wind up having to go back and get her, and of course you know what happens next, right? She runs the other way! After the third time of her doing this I grabbed her and kind of shrieked in a very out of control way: "DO NOT RUN FROM MOMMY!" Arggghh, yeah, the whole shrieking banshee thing is sure to bring her running in my direction! I then plonked her in the stroller, buckled her in tight, and headed for home, fuming! FUMING! I walked past someone on the trail who I feel certain heard my panicked shrieks, because he sure gave me a weird look.

It sucks, because I adore watching her in the woods. She loves it! She runs and runs, little chubby legs flying, and she now will say, while she runs... "I RUU-IINNNNG!" *siiiigh* I adore her. I adore every little chubby iota. I wish I had a better solution for the running away stuff. If you have any ideas, feel free to share!

Obama: WTF!

2008-07-11T02:49:11Z

Meanwhile, Barack Obama is complaining that his "friends on the left" just don't understand him -- he's not moving to the center, he is "no doubt" a progressive, just one who now supports the scandalous FISA "compromise" and Antonin Scalia's views on gun rights and the death penalty, no longer plans to accept public campaign funding, and wants to make sure women aren't feigning mental distress to get a "partial-birth" abortion (the right's despicable term of choice; the correct phrase is either late-term or third-trimester abortion).

Man... I really hoped that he would NOT step into the "lesser of two evils" role, and now here he is.

The Last Time

2008-07-09T17:49:11Z

Do you remember the last time your baby kicked you from inside your belly? I don't. I went into labor in the middle of the night, so it's likely that she was kicking me in my sleep, and I just don't remember. I don't remember her kicking me during the labor either, although I'm sure she did.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately because Bella is becoming less and less interested in nursing. I keep wondering when the last time will be, and if I will know it is the last time, or if I'll forget all about it until much later, like I did with her kicking me. I want to remember. I want to remember all the last times! I want to remember the last time she needs my help to go up and down the stairs, I want to remember the last diaper I put on her, I want to remember the last night she snuggles up to me in bed, I want to remember the last time she comes running over to me hollering "AhahAHahAHAhahaha!" and slams into me for a hug. I want to remember everything, and I know that my brain just cannot take it; so much new stuff happens that the old stuff just fades away.

What about you? Do you remember any important last times for you and your child?

Curls...

2008-07-07T05:38:43Z

I feel like I spend all day long every day chasing around a head full of bouncy red curls. Today we went to Cooper's Rock State Forest for Bella's first hike! Well, we went on a tiny hike yesterday, but this one was bigger and more deliberate. Plus, we took the dog, which really ups the "Real Hike" quotient in my mind. Anyways, Bella did great. The trail was a mess, very uneven, muddy. She was just running around having a blast. I got some amazing photos of her and Charlie together! We were out there for about an hour, maybe a little more, and we hiked for under a mile! Things just take longer with Bella around.

We returned home sweaty and muddy to find that our landlord had stopped by in our absence to repair a leaky faucet, and left us with no water! Apparently he was "fixing" it and "broke" something so now we have "no water."

I curled up with Bella like I always do, to help her down for her nap. We're doing a lot better; we've reached the No Twiddle zone, which is just a great place to be! She fell asleep pretty quickly, and I found myself drifting off with her. I woke up to a huge, huge, huge crash of thunder that sounded like it was about to rip the roof off the house. The bed and walls were literally vibrating from the force of it! Bella was all snugged up against me, wearing only a diaper, all snuggly soft babyflesh and bouncy curls. I held her a little closer with all that thunder. I thought I should get up, but the thunder was just so LOUD and scary, I didn't want to leave her. I fell asleep again, and we slept together for three and a half hours! Her usual nap time is about two hours. Sleepy us!

We decided to get a room at a hotel just to take showers; I don't like to leave my dog alone overnight, so we are back home to sleep for the night. At the hotel, we went to the pool and swam for an hour and had a wonderful time. I just felt so happy, in the warm water with my baby in my arms smiling and laughing and splashing.

Now, of course, I'm up when I should be sleeping. So I better get to bed, lots more chasing to do tomorrow!

Mosaic meme...

2008-07-05T05:24:10Z

Gosh I haven't posted in FOR EVER! Yikes. Well, Bella has been going through the 18 month sleep regression. From. Hell. It has been awful. More on that later though! I found this cool meme and decided it would be a good way for me to get back into blogging. I've missed it. Anyways, here it is.. rules and all that are below.

Mosaic Rules
a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd’s mosaic maker.

1. What is your first name?

2. What is your favorite food?

3. What high school did you go to?

4. What is your favorite color?

5. Who is your celebrity crush?

6. Favorite drink?

7. Dream vacation?

8. Favorite dessert?

9. What you want to be when you grow up?

10. What do you love most in life?

11. One Word to describe you.

12. Your flickr name.

I found this meme on Elle PhD, but it originated..,. er, well, I'm not exactly sure where it originated, but I see some other bloggers doing it. Here's one, and another, and I bet there are more! The only ones I fudged were the "What is your greatest love" question, because that answer has to be my husband and daughter, without question; and my flickr name, because I do not have one.

Apparently, I need one.

Insomnia Be Gone!

2008-05-22T20:57:32Z

I have made a huge breakthrough. I have found the cure for insomnia! You see, I suffered from insomnia for many years. Some nights I would literally be in tears, so exhausted but unable to sleep. Really, insomnia is awful. So, the answer?

Have a baby!

But not just any baby... you need to get your hands on a baby who hates to sleep!

And then you will find yourself, like me, suddenly falling asleep whenever you get within shouting distance of a bed. I used to be quite persnickety about sleep; light, what I was wearing, the pillows, everything had to be *just so.* Now, I fall asleep with no pillows, no blankets, in jeans, with keys in my pocket, hair in ponytails... seriously, it doesn't matter. I have come very close to falling asleep while getting my eyebrows waxed; and that HURTS.

Now if only I could cure my baby's lack of sleeping...

Barack Obama on BlogHer

2008-05-19T19:42:47Z

This is an amazing interview of Barack Obama and BlogHer! I just think it is incredibly cool that he took the time to speak with a womans blogging network.

Amazing post...

2008-05-19T18:40:52Z

I love, love, loved this post by Kneeling Woman which discusses our current level of mommy-wars and the simple fact that no matter what particular choices a woman makes, we are each more than just mothers... we are women!

Being a mother is about being a mother........We give birth. We do our best each and every time. That's enough; just being who and what we are and loving what we do; is enough.

Get on over there and check it out, it is long but a wonderful read!

Freeze!

2008-05-14T03:11:31Z

I had a really, really rough day a few days ago. Way too many "bad mama" moments. One of them happened when my sweet, angelic daughter cast a devilish glance over her shoulder and *ran* away from me towards the street. I wanted to spank her so, so badly. The entire time I was getting her under control, I had a little rant going in my head: "You will not hit your daughter, do not hit your child, do not hit your child."

]]> I don't believe in spanking. But I'm haunted by a lot of spanking demons.

Spanking is not at all how I want to raise my daughter. And quite frankly, I don't think it would work anyways. If anything it would make it even more of a power struggle, and if there is anything Bella loves and looks forward to, it is a power struggle!

So I'm pondering other ways to handle this particular problem, and one of them is to teach Bella the "Freeze," game, but really make it a game. I'm also thinking I could tell her to "Jump!" Or "Spin," or ANYTHING except "stop," or "come back here," or "don't go in the street/jump in that huge puddle/eat that questionable object in your hand."

Being creative is so much harder than spanking though. I can get why someone would just go there, not knowing what else to do.

I love the concept of the "Freeze" game though, and honestly I wish she would FREEZE! Just for a minute. I need to catch up.

Lately she is just growing so fast, my head is spinning. Suddenly my little girl is climbing up on our kitchen chairs. I turn around and see that she has climbed up into my chair and is sitting in front of my computer, right hand poised on the mouse, clicking away, beaming, as if to say: "Look Mama, I'm hacking!" She is insistent upon climbing up on the chair to "help" me cook or wash dishes. She wants to be outside every. single. second. She runs around giving kisses and hugs and she answers questions with a thoughtful nod or an emphatic shake of her head. She plays in the bathtub, by herself. (While I sit on the closed toilet reading a book.)

She can touch her head, shoulders, knees AND toes. Not to mention her nose. The other day she whimpered as she was waking up, so I went and lay down beside her. She nursed for a while, then suddenly opened her eyes and looked at me, smile so big she was glowing in the dark room. "Nose," she proclaimed clearly. Tonight she was eating pears and she said "paarrreee."

And, of course, she is now officially running! Like, airborne! So if you have any creative ideas for making her want to run *towards* me instead of towards the street, I sure would be grateful!

Who is this child and what has she done with my baby? I'll catch up with her eventually, right?

Whatcha reading?

2008-05-08T18:45:59Z

Bella *adores* books. I do love watching her with books, and how excited she is about books, and I love to read to her and with her. So we have a pretty big line-up of books we read before bedtime every night. (Well, most nights; lately her routine has been, erhhmmm, completely out of kilter, so we haven't read as much.) Here's our current stash.

I love Sandra Boynton! What are you reading to your little ones at night?

I can't wait until Bella is old enough to get chapters, and I can read her all of my childhood favorites; Harriet the Spy, A Wrinkle in Time, Bridge to Terabithia (nope, I did not see the movie), James and the Giant Peach, oh so many wonderful books!