AP Baby

I have made a huge breakthrough. I have found the cure for insomnia! You see, I suffered from insomnia for many years. Some nights I would literally be in tears, so exhausted but unable to sleep. Really, insomnia is awful. So, the answer?

Have a baby!

But not just any baby... you need to get your hands on a baby who hates to sleep!

And then you will find yourself, like me, suddenly falling asleep whenever you get within shouting distance of a bed. I used to be quite persnickety about sleep; light, what I was wearing, the pillows, everything had to be *just so.* Now, I fall asleep with no pillows, no blankets, in jeans, with keys in my pocket, hair in ponytails... seriously, it doesn't matter. I have come very close to falling asleep while getting my eyebrows waxed; and that HURTS.

Now if only I could cure my baby's lack of sleeping...

Posted by JoAnna at 08:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I had a really, really rough day a few days ago. Way too many "bad mama" moments. One of them happened when my sweet, angelic daughter cast a devilish glance over her shoulder and *ran* away from me towards the street. I wanted to spank her so, so badly. The entire time I was getting her under control, I had a little rant going in my head: "You will not hit your daughter, do not hit your child, do not hit your child."

Continue reading "Freeze!" »

Posted by JoAnna at 03:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Bella *adores* books. I do love watching her with books, and how excited she is about books, and I love to read to her and with her. So we have a pretty big line-up of books we read before bedtime every night. (Well, most nights; lately her routine has been, erhhmmm, completely out of kilter, so we haven't read as much.) Here's our current stash.

I love Sandra Boynton! What are you reading to your little ones at night?

I can't wait until Bella is old enough to get chapters, and I can read her all of my childhood favorites; Harriet the Spy, A Wrinkle in Time, Bridge to Terabithia (nope, I did not see the movie), James and the Giant Peach, oh so many wonderful books!

Posted by JoAnna at 06:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I'm just back from a trip to Vegas. We had a great time, but I had an experience at the airport that I have to write about.

I had lugged my Pump in Style with me, and pumped at every available opportunity while we were there. I wanted to have plenty of breastmilk to carry with me on the plane for the trip back. Breastmilk is easier, because it keeps for longer at room temperature. (Up to 10 hours) So when we left for the airport, I took 11 ounces of breastmilk with me, plus a 4 ounce packet of formula, and figured that should be plenty for the 8 hours or so until we got home.

*sigh*

We went to lunch, then returned the rental car, then went to the airport, went through security, etc etc etc. Finally we are at the gate and sitting there, and I decide to combine the two bottles of breastmilk (I know you shouldn't typically do this). I had a half-ounce left in one bottle that I poured into the bigger bottle which had about 7.5 ounces in it. When I opened it up to pour, I noticed that the milk looked... weird. Frothy. Foamy. Like an inch of foam, sticking to the sides of the bottle. Huh, I thought to myself... that is so weird! It couldn't have gone bad, could it?

COULD IT?

I put a tiny bit of milk on the tip of my finger and tasted.

Ugh.

UGH.

OH NO.

My milk went sour!!!!!!

It had only been a few hours; the milk had been cold from the refrigerator and kept in an insulated bag. I know it is the desert, but damn... the milk was with me the whole time, I never left it in the car or anything like that. How could it go sour so fast!??!?!

But sour it was. Very sour. Ugh, the taste in my mouth was so awful. Ugh, ugh, ugh.

I started to panic. How the hell am I supposed to get through a four hour flight plus assorted travel time, with only 4 ounces of formula? My baby would starve! She would be freaking out! OMG! OMG! OMG!!!!

I did not know what to do. I was so at a loss, and so horrified, and so dismayed, and all of this brought to head all my feelings of inadequacy related to being unable to fully breastfeed. All I could think was that if I were a NORMAL breastfeeding mama, none of this would be an issue. I'd be able to just, you know, FEED MY BABY.

I burst into tears in the middle of the airport. All the options I could think of were horrible. Just go, and do my best to nurse her and try to tide her over with the few ounces I could provide, on top of the four ounces of formula. There was no later flight available, so go get a hotel room for another night? Our luggage would still be on this flight and then we'd have to go through the whole hellaciousness of security and airport rigamarole again. What to do? I just sat there crying my eyes out.

Some well-meaning woman behind me asked, "Is everything ok?" I know she meant well, but lady... I'm in the airport bawling, clearly everything is not ok!

Finally my husband suggested we find someone else with a baby and see if we could beg or buy some formula from them. I hated this idea, but ok, ok, you have to do what you have to do.

I stopped the first woman I saw pushing a stroller, her baby actually looked to be similar in age. I asked if she had any formula she could spare, and this kind angel said "Oh my gosh, I have totally been where you are right now! Have you been crying?" (At which, of course I burst into tears again.) "Here, I have a can of enfamil you can have. Please don't worry, we have plenty!"

Angel. Blessings to you. I'm crying even typing this. I thanked her profusely. Seriously, this woman saved the day.

I went into the bathroom at the airport and dumped my breastmilk into the sink, 4 days worth of pumping and pumping literally down the drain. I scrubbed out the bottle so I could make some formula and tried to stop crying.

So we wound up being able to get home with no problems. But you can bet that from now on I will have tons and tons of extra formula with me wherever I go! Hopefully I can someday return the favor this woman paid me, to some other mama and baby in need.

And I still have not figured out why my milk went sour!

Posted by JoAnna at 02:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Posted by JoAnna at 01:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Bella has been experimenting with rolling for the past week or so... but hadn't *quite* gotten it yet. She would roll over, be unable to get her arm out from under her, then seem to forget the whole thing for a little while. Then she'd try it again. So I *knew* this was coming.

We've been a little lax I guess about leaving her on the couch. (You know what's coming, don't you?) But we put her on there with her head facing the cushions... that way she can roll either way and still be ON the couch. I'm always right there with her, either on the couch next to her or bouncing on the exercise ball right in front of her, watching her. Occasionally I'll dash 8 feet into the next room (connected, no walls) to get a diaper, but we don't leave her there.

Today I left her there for probably 20 seconds, while I put her baby gym down in the next room. I came back in and there she was, rolling off, my mind watching it in slow motion as I started to run and yell noooooooooo...

Flat on the floor. FLAT!

(Thank all the powers that be in the universe that she did not hit the coffee table. Thank you. Really. THANK YOU.)

I scooped her up, heart pounding, and latched her right on, while I checked her over. Not even a bump. Not a faint red mark, no scratch, no bruise, no nothing. She was just scared, and me shrieking "NO" while I ran in probably did not help! But see? This is why it's worth it to fight for breastfeeding! INSTANT comfort!

So... she is mobile. There is no turning back now! :) I'm tickled, now that my heart has stopped pounding!!!!

Posted by JoAnna at 12:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Posted by JoAnna at 05:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Bella will be 3 months old on Saturday, what should we do for her birthday? Here's a look back at three months of Bella in her boppy! (It breaks my heart now to see how skinny she got for a while there. How did we not see it???? I can't believe it. I'm so glad she is chubbing up now!)

Posted by JoAnna at 07:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Bella slept for EIGHT solid hours last night. However, I only slept for about four of those hours. What was I doing while she was sleeping?

* Showering. For the first time in two days.
* Eating. Without worry of dropping food on babies head!
* Answering a few online debates, because, yanno, having a two month old baby is no excuse for not responding...
* Watching my husband sleep while wearing Bella in the sling, his head thrown back and relaxed on the couch.
* Waiting for her to wake up with baited breath! I just KNEW she'd wake up any minute.

When she didn't I finally put her in bed, swaddled, next to me. Actually she was on my arm for the first part of the night and since I KNEW she would wake up any second I had to wake my husband up to turn the heat up for me (I was freezing). Then I laid there all tense, lightly dozing but knowing that *at any moment* she would wake up, probably want to eat, then want to play for an hour or so. I psyched myself out so that I wouldn't get upset when she did this (It's not her fault, she is a baby, she doesn't understand, it's going to be ok, you'll sleep eventually). I waited, and waited, and finally about an hour and a half after I first laid down with her I fell asleep.

To wake up at 7am feeling kind of human again. Amazing what four solid hours can do.

Posted by JoAnna at 01:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I'll start with the good news... Bella gained two pounds since her last visit! Baby girl is really chubbing up. :)

That's the good news from our 2 month WBV (well baby visit) with our pediatrician. The new pediatrician, for the record.

I was very, very apprehensive about this visit because I knew she'd be getting her first round of vaccines. Currently that includes Rotateq, Pediarix, DTaP, and Hib.

It's disturbing how easily the anti-vax culture seeps into your brain, as even though I *know* vaccines are very safe, I was so nervous! Nervous about the pain from the actual sticks (3, Rotateq is an oral vax), nervous about any potential side-effects, just nervous! Although really I guess anytime someone says "Do X and it will hurt your baby," if you are a mom, you are going to think about it a little bit no matter what common sense tells you. We are mama bears, for real!

So who would've thunk that the oral vax, Rotateq, would be the one to cause us a problem?

I guess the nurse administering the vaccines is new to administering oral vaccines. She btw, is the same lady who did our PKU stick which she did a fantastic job at. She was just so fast, it was much better than when my midwife did it (six sticks and the test still had to be redone, awful awful awful!). But she wanted Bella to be lying flat on her back for this. My instinct told me she should be sitting up; I don't know why I didn't say anything, honestly. I just figured this lady knew what she was talking about.

So she has Bella lying flat on her back and starts letting her suck on the end of this little syringe-type thing which has the vaccine in it, and squirting it a little bit too, I guess, because my baby choked. I'm going to go ahead and assume that the problem here was that she was lying on her back and she was not controlling the rate of the flow into her mouth. (When I give her bottles for supplementing, I have her sitting up.) So she really choked. I mean stopped breathing for at least five seconds while this nurse just looked at her, and I was overcome by some odd doctors-office paralysis. I know what to do when a baby chokes, but I just assumed this woman would do something! She did not, so I grabbed her and flipped her over, which seemed to help. Once Bella caught her breath she was soooo upset and screaming, and making wierd little hiccoughing sounds. You could tell the fluid had gone down wrong.

I guess we really should've let her settle down then before moving on to the needles, but we didn't. I am a newbie mom and this whole visit I felt like I just screwed up. Anytime I don't listen to my instincts I wind up regretting it, and this was one of those times.

Poor baby, of course she screamed her little head off when she got stuck; but honestly that part was very, very fast. Awful. But fast. It was calming her down afterwards that I got worried. The nurse had left and I was trying to nurse her and she just absolutely would not calm down and latch on. She was still making that wierd hiccoughing noise. I finally got her latched on, but she kept unlatching, hiccoughing, and then she would start screaming again.

Finally I stepped out and asked for the doctor to come back in. She did, and listened to her lungs to make sure she hadn't aspirated anything. Her lungs were clear, so the doc told me she thought she was refluxing up some of the vax, which was what was causing that scary sound when she was breathing. She advised me that the baby might throw up the vax. Then she told me to stay until her breathing was normal or I felt comfortable; which I did. I think I stayed for another 45 minutes just sitting there, I finally got her to latch on, and then shortly after she fell asleep. Her breathing returned to normal and my heart started beating again.

The doc came back in to check on us and gave me her cell number to call, just in case. The nurse kept poking her head in and apologizing; she clearly felt awful about the whole thing and I think her technique with Rotateq will be modified in future!

Bella slept off and on for the rest of the day, and that night woke up. Smiling. Flirting. Cooing and being her totally normal, beautiful self. I think she's had some mild soreness in her legs, but nothing that has made her very upset.

Who would've thought I would've been foiled by what I thought would be the "easy" vaccine?

Posted by JoAnna at 08:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Hindsight really is 20/20. For the first six weeks of her life, some things were going on that were making me feel really anxious. Now I know that the problem and the source of all these worries were my low milk supply and my baby being hungry.

* She SHRIEKED and screamed anytime I laid her down to change her or put her down anywhere at all. I thought this was just newborn wanting mama stuff. I did ask several people if it was normal for newborns to shriek and scream so much during diaper changes, and was assured it was. I felt like I was violating my own baby. :( Seriously, that may sound silly, but she is already her own little person. I'm just lucky enough to be able to care for her now. Anyways, I believe that many babies may object to having their dipes changed... but in my babies case, she was just hungry! Now, with a full belly, she smiles and coos up at me while I change her, or stares in rapt admiration at the ceiling fan over her head.

* She nursed all the time, nonstop, and wanted to be latched on perpetually. My first LC advised me that she was sucking just to pacify, and I should make the decision as to whether or not I wanted to allow that or wanted to give her a pacifier. And I believe some babies do this and don't have a problem. My baby, however, no longer "sucks to pacify." Turns out, she was staying latched on because she wasn't getting enough to eat. I believe this is the only reason she managed to gain two ounces from her lowest weight.

* I never definitively felt my milk come in. I noticed the color gradually change from yellowish-clear to white, but it was gradual.

* I never experienced engorgement.

* I wasn't feeling let-down sensations.

* My baby wasn't pooping. After her initial meconium poops, she did not poop again for 7 days, which is normal for an older breastfed baby... but *not* normal for a brand newborn. Everyone kept telling me "Just wait.. it'll come and be HUGE!" Um, no. Her first poop after 7 days of no poop was just a little thing. Then we went another 7 days. My midwife and doctor *both* told me this was ok. WTF! She was not getting enough to eat, which should've been obvious as...

* My baby wasn't gaining weight!

I feel so awful when I think of the fact that for the first six weeks of her life, my baby was hungry! I had suspicions that my milk wasn't as plentiful as I wanted it to be, but I really did not think she was just... hungry. :(

I do feel let-down now, thank goodness, and can tell my breasts are feeling fuller. I'm able to pump more. Today Bella had two bottles of pumped breastmilk as supplement instead of formula... that is a really huge accomplishment! So I'm feeling hopeful. I keep thinking how lucky I am to be able to pay for lactation consultants and buy a breast pump and above all else, stay home with my baby! If I were a WOHM (work out of the home mama), I'd be toast so far as breastfeeding goes. So really even though I've been having a hard time with so many things, I am totally blessed and I know it.

Posted by JoAnna at 02:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So my flaky pediatrician recommended I take Bella to an energy healer. According to her, the reason Bella was not gaining weight is because we have some unresolved "issues" surrounding... well, something. Maybe the birth, maybe something else. But an energy healer is what she recommended.

For a six week old baby still a pound below her birthweight.

There is so much about this that pisses me off, I hardly know where to begin. First of all, why not cut this complex Gordian knot and just find out if the baby is, you know... getting enough to eat?!?!

Next... Bella was being herself at the visit. Herself, meaning, alert, beautiful, wide-eyed and happy, smiling and rapt with fascination at the world. Full of pep and vim. How can you say that baby is unhappy?

The catch-22 here is, of course, that if my baby *were* unhappy and screaming all the time, I would've known much sooner that she wasn't getting enough to eat. As it was, she was so darned happy *all the time*... as long as I didn't put her down (which for me was not such a big problem)... that I had no idea she was hungry the whole time.

Of course now that we are supplementing, Bella is gaining normally. There is not a thing wrong with this child, and she certainly doesn't seem traumatized in any way, by any thing. I have to wonder what she *would* be traumatized by. She has not had a single moment to cry alone since she was born. The few times she's woken up alone recently (when I've snuck out of bed with her to go pump), I've come in to check on her and found her lying there smiling at the ceiling fan, happy as a clam. This child is *happy!* I would know if she weren't and go to the ends of the earth to remedy it. What mama wouldn't?!?!

Energy healing. Pshaw. This is, btw, another way of saying "Reiki." I mean no offense, either to anyone who enjoys such a thing. Whatever floats your boat. But "energy healing" is not going to fix a baby who is not getting enough to eat!

(Yes, we have a new pediatrician now!)

Posted by JoAnna at 05:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I'm *furious.*

I really didn't feel this way at first, but now... I am so angry. I'm angry that my midwives didn't see a red flag when my baby had lost more weight by her two week checkup. I'm angry that they didn't say anything when, at 3 weeks I had to come in for problems with my stitches, and put her on the scale, she still hadn't gained. Or at my 6 week. Seriously... they NEVER said that her lack of weight gain was a concern, just kept advising me to give her hindmilk. Yeah? How about ANY milk?

I'm angry that my doctor didn't say anything either, and wound up recommending I take her to a frickin' energy healer instead of giving her some formula and getting her tested for metabolic disorders.

I'm angry that I had massive internal swelling at the site of my stitches, which responded to antibiotics, but my midwife had told me was "Just the way I am now," that it was normal, and that it might go down in six months. "You had a big baby," she said. IT IS AN INFECTION!

I'm angry that when I discussed it with her, she did not remember that I'd had stitches in my vaginal wall and did not believe me when I told her that I had. I'm angry that she made me trek all the way into her office again today to prove that the MASSIVE SWELLING which is presenting with sharp, shooting pains through my pelvis, wasn't just a yeast infection. I'm angry that she is trying to tell me now it is from bacterial vaginosis, when I first showed her this swelling weeks and weeks before she diagnosed me with vaginosis. (Which, apparently I do have NOW. But I did not have THEN.) I'm angry that even now, she maintains that this swelling is not related to any stitches I may have had post-birth. Right. The swelling just... yanno.. magically appeared. I can't believe that she would shrug her shoulders and say she just *doesn't know* how I got such an infection. It's not rocket science; infections happen when you sew people up and cut bits of them off! (Did I mention that they actually cut off a flap of skin from my vaginal wall when they were stitching me? Fun! She doesn't remember that! I DO!)

I'm angry that she claims to "trust birth" so much, but she doesn't trust at all my knowledge of my own body. I'm angry that I would come to her with something so clearly wrong with me, and she'd tell me this is my new normal, that nothing would ever be the same "down there," and that I shouldn't worry about it.

I am positively *furious* that all along with both of these things, I was concerned and kept raising my concerns, and kept getting brushed off. I'm angry at myself that I wasn't pushier, especially on behalf of my baby girl. I wish I'd gotten this infection dealt with sooner as I'm now actually concerned that it could effect my fertility. (Infection raging for the past 4 weeks!)

Now that I'm finally on some antibiotics that aren't making me horribly sick, and my baby is getting supplements and gaining weight... wtf am I supposed to do with all this anger?

(Bella has gained EIGHT OUNCES since Friday.)

Posted by JoAnna at 04:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Bella is snoozin' in the sling now... in the sling is the only way I can syringe feed her as I need both hands.

The reason for making her wait an hour between feedings... My LC says that the breast needs to completely empty and refill to make sure she gets all the hind milk. It is still confusing to me! But she recommended it to me the last time she was here and I DIDN'T do it and look where we are. She said it's like the baby is constantly snacking, vs. having a meal... like she's eating chips all day instead of sitting down to a big pot roast. I am not sure how that works biologically but, I'm willing to try it at least for a while!

I am not doing block feeding right now, although she said that is an option... I'm trying this first because I kind of was block feeding before... not three hours at a time usually, but I would keep her on one side for an hour, if she'd let me. Most of the time she would get mad and only settle if I gave her the other side. I think she just gets sleepy and lazy towards the end and doesn't want to work for the hind milk; she'd rather go to the other side and get the easy fast milk.

I did just pump one breast at a time with her in the sling. My LC said pumping after feeding her is optional but I'm trying. I'm hoping to be able to call her in a week and go "Oh, my gosh! This engorgement! This crazy let down! I have so much milk! Milk is spurting everywhere!" (I am not trying to make light of that problem, I know it IS a problem for a lot of women. I am just envious of it now!) I have never had major engorgement, or seen spurting if I pull Bella off the breast. Milk squirts out when I squeeze, but not tons, and I am just so worried my body is not making enough.

Why can't they make soft flanges which *milk* the breast better????

Posted by JoAnna at 04:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

OK, I have to say, pumping and scheduled feedings are WAY more difficult than just nursing on demand and letting her happily nurse off to sleep!

My LC came by to drop off the Medela Pump in Style for me, and this is what she recommended... pump for 5 minutes before feeding her, then keep her on each breast for 20 minutes only... then syringe feed what I pumped to her at the end of the feeding. (So supplementing but with my own milk.) She said I could also pump for 5 minutes or so after the end of a feeding. Then, make her wait an hour in between feedings.

It is so counter-intuitive to me to have to make her WAIT. And annoying. Why doesn't my body just give her the milk she needs?

The syringe is not really a syringe... it looks like a syringe but the tip is very thin and curved. Anyone know what that is called? She recommended we put it next to our finger tip, so she can suck on our finger and get the milk.

I pumped a whole half an ounce! =:O

I was able to get an appt with my ped tomorrow... so at least I'll be able to rule out any other health issues... and I'm glad, as I'd like to at least discuss with her my moving my WBV's to another ped before the other office calls asking for Bella's first exam records! It seems courteous to give her an explanation.

OK I wrote this yesterday and am just now having the chance to post it. I am not liking pumping but am hoping it will work. Fast. I'm trying to eat oatmeal but UGH... I hate it! And I'm taking fenugreek also.

I'll try to post after I see the pediatrician later and let you guys know what's going on... thank you so much for all the advice and support!!!! I will check out babycenter but ...

It helps a lot to know that there are some moms here who supplemented and it did NOT destroy the BF relationship... so if I have to do that, I know it doesn't have to be the end of everything. I love nursing her! I love it!!!!

What genius designed a double-boob breastpump that you have to hold on AND use one hand to turn on and off? How is that supposed to work? I bet a man came up with that!

Posted by JoAnna at 04:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Bella has not gained. She was barely 8lbs yesterday at the midwife's office, with a footed sleeper on... when we weighed her before she was naked. At my 2 wk checkup she was 7lbs 15 and 1/2 oz! =:O When I went in the next time she was just at 8lbs even. She was born at 9lbs 4 oz! :( :( :(

Other than that she *seems* healthy. She is bright-eyed and bushy tailed! She looks at everything, coos, gurgles, and is starting to smile. She's having 3/4 poops a day and I am not counting her wet dipes, but lots! I've been laundering cloth dipes daily AND had to go buy more 'sposies. She stands up while leaning against me, scooches, and acts like she is going to crawl off. She holds her head up and seems so strong in general!

I've been to two LLL meetings and met with an LC three times... I just got off the phone with her and she is on her way over to drop off a pump in style for me. She is recommending I pump for five min. both sides before nursing, so Bella gets the hind milk faster. She says she thinks it sounds like a fore/hindmilk imbalance. I think that sounds right because I think Bella gets lazy towards the end of a feeding... she is maybe not finishing on one breast before she goes to the other for the fresh, faster flow.

I've been eating oatmeal... do granola bars count??? =:O But I'll have my husband pick up some fenugreek for me later today from whole foods.

I am sooooooo... just sort of in disbelief at this. I feel like something is wrong with me. Everything else worked! This should work too! :( And I love nursing her so much.

I made an appt with a new pediatrician... mine can't see us till Tuesday, since she is not... "sick" per se... but now I'm not sure I want to go to the new guy as I KNOW he will tell me to supplement with formula. I'd like to at least give supplementing with my own milk a try. (LC wants me to pump before I nurse, then when she is done spoon/syringe feed her the milk I pumped.) If she *has* to be supplemented with formula OF COURSE I will do it. But this is the prob with a mainstream ped, that they will default to that without suggesting anything else, and I know this in advance. Plus if I go in they are going to push the hep b shot and I'm not sure I'm up for that right now. I don't have a problem with it... I'm just not ready for her to get shots today. Plus I don't see any issue with delaying the hep b. Maybe a year. Plus I am not sure I'm up for explaining the whole "home birth with a midwife" thing *today* to a mainstream ped.

Thank you for the comments about my midwife. She really does mean well, but I mean... I knew she was absent minded before this, and I know Dec./Jan were insanely busy for them, but still! Why is it not written in my file! I certainly don't expect her to remember every detail of every vagina she sees.... but if I TELL her something I think she should listen to ME, and not say "Well the chart just says you had a 2nd degree tear."

Posted by JoAnna at 04:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So I went to the midwife for my six week appt yesterday and it was
just not a good appointment. I am still all swollen inside and I got
into an argument with her over whether or not I had stitches in my
perineum. I did NOT. Not only do I know where the stitches were
exactly (I could feel them with my fingers, looked in the mirror while
she was stitching, she had to actually nip a piece of my flesh off
that didn't get stitched up, talked about it with the birth assistant
who did the actual stitching), but I had my husband checking me every
day or so to make sure I was healing correctly. So he knows what was
there, too! (Bet he never thought he'd be an OB in training! LOL!)
There were no stitches in my perineum! There may have been one tiny
one... maybe??? I had a lump there, but last time I was there I asked
about this lump (tiny, hard, wierd, foriegn feeling), and she said it
was a pimple. OK I have never had a pimple on my perineum in my life!
But whatever!

The birth assistant wasn't there yesterday and apparently was vague in
her notes about *where* I tore. While I was being stitched up, the
midwife was examining Bella, weighing, etc. So she didn't see. But
wtf does this woman think this great big glob of swelling inside me is
from anyways????

She said, btw, for that swelling... "Give it six months." UGGGHHHH.

AND I have an infection (vaginosis), oh joy of joys...which I bet I
got from taking sitz baths which I did not want to take anyways! So
now I'm on antibiotics. :(

I have *loved* my experience with my midwives up until this whole
stitching debacle but now I feel... angry and kind of violated. Like
how could she not know exactly what happened to me, and how could she
argue with me and tell me I'm wrong about what was stitched where
inside of myself!

Meanwhile, Bella is still only weighing 8lbs. How is she not gaining
weight? WTF, WTF, WTF! I am making an appt to take her in and get
checked out but talk about freaking out! This child is attached to my
boobs 24/7 and NOT gaining? What is wrong with me???? :( :( :(

Posted by JoAnna at 04:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So, today I am 41 wks and 5 days along. I never, ever thought I'd make it this far. You know it's kind of ironic, as almost EVERYONE I know has had problematic pregnancies rife with problems, and early babies. It feels sometimes like it's contagious, and I honestly thought I'd wind up going early, vs. late! But here I am. Belly: tight as a drum! Cervix: tight as a drum too, but 80% effaced! Absolutely feels like nothing is happening except some practice pressure waves.

I have been sitting on my birthing ball, squatting, rolling my hips, doing hands and knees rocking, walking, vacuuming, squatting, eating pineapple, having sex, having orgasms, eating spicy curry, taking evening primrose oil, and doing nipple stimulation, and...

Baby is just HAPPY in there. So I make a good baby house! She is head down, and according to my midwife "RIGHT THERE," but just... nada, zip, zilch.

I am really getting nervous though. Going *too* far overdue *does* have an increased incidence of risk factors and I just don't want to go there. I don't even want to be pondering induction; I am. I don't want to ponder the potential results of induction; (ie: failure to progress, unhandleable birthing, epidural, c-section, etc) I am.

I guess I'll go do more birth ball stuff...

Posted by JoAnna at 09:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

When I first started poking around the anti-vax issue, it was with the belief that vaccines are bad. Which is a very trendy thing to believe these days. Although, I had already been exposed to the skeptical side of myself via my research into SIDS and mattress fumes. So, I suppose I was feeling a bit skeptical when I started out.

However, what I've found is... more than a little bit scary. People who assert that vaccines cause everything from autism to allergies to SIDS and everything in between, and who do so in the face of all research which concludes the contrary. People who believe that every SIDS organization, autism organization, government health organization IN THE WORLD are in on a grand conspiracy to convince us all to vaccinate for monetary gain.

Someone close to me sent me to the Dr. Carly website, which was one of the first that I really made myself sit down and analyze... and found myself reading things like:

"However, the reverberating truth, “the shot heard round the world” which will lead to the evolution of consciousness necessary to stop the holocaust against humanity known as vaccinations, will be that not only are vaccinations not safe or effective, but that they are actually weapons of mass destruction being perpetrated upon humanity in the name of health, for the purpose of genocide and to bring in the New World Order. Part 2 of the genocidal plan could drop anytime with activation of the Model State Health Emergency Powers Act whenever the next fabricated terrorist attack using biological agents occurs. The “bird flu” is apparently going to be used as an excuse to inoculate the masses soon, as predictions of a pandemic are being made by the media almost every day." ~Dr.Carly

Yes... that's right, folks. Vaccines are part of an attempt at global genocide.

Of course there is no explanation as to who would benefit from said genocide nor what their motivation would be to do such a thing.

Not only that, but Dr. Carly is part of a group of people who believe that vaccines are part of some satanic ritual.

It doesn't bother me or scare me to see parents (like myself) doing more in-depth research as to what is in vaccines, why they are given, what they prevent against, and all the facts therein. It does bother me to see people taking advice from someone who believes a) vaccines are part of a global genocidal plot or b) vaccines are part of a satanic ritual. Either way, consider your source please!

Trying to have a coherent discussion with the most vehement anti-vax people usually goes something like:

Anti-vaxer: "Rotavirus is no big deal."
Skeptic: "My godson had rotavirus and spent a month at children's hospital. It was way more than "no big deal" for us. A vaccine could've saved a month of his life spent hooked up to IVs."
Anti-vaxer: "But if he'd died of a vaccine, you'd have a different perspective."

What???? I'm not sure how that is relevant, except for being able to say in response: "Yes, and if your child had almost died of rotavirus, maybe your perspective would be different as well."

I'm really doing this only for my own sanity and to sort out all the information I've been collecting about vaccinations, but I'll be going through and addressing some of their basic arguments and concerns about vaccines.

To clarify, I will just say that being concerned over vaccines is good. Researching them is good. Having a dose of *healthy* skepticism towards modern medicine can be good. But rejecting all medical science, all medical research, and every doctor on the face of the earth in the belief that sodium ascorbate can heal all the world's ills and vaccine preventable diseases are no big deal... sorry, that is not good.

Posted by JoAnna at 10:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I recently noticed and became involved in a discussion on a message board about the Gates Foundation; the consensus was that Bill Gates wants to kill babies to make money, which is why he is sending millions of dollars of vaccines to Third World countries.

I'm still a little unsure how GIVING medicine to needy people makes him money, but...

If you are one of the very few people in the universe who are unaware of the vaccine debate raging on the 'net these days, you may want to google it... the following won't make much sense otherwise. Anyways, it's funny to me to see people posting on the internet about vaccines, and their signature says "Vaccines are not natural," while they are typing on their plastic computer connected to electricity and a network of wires that is the Internet!

Regardless, I wanted to repost my posts about Bill here. Never, ever in a million years would or could I have thought I'd find myself defending Bill Gates to anyone, anytime! But, here it is...

Continue reading "Bill Gates: Baby Killing Monster??? " »

Posted by JoAnna at 07:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

My post about SIDS, which I posted on Mothering.com's boards, generated lots of discussion... mostly grateful to know this is BS science that is trying to scare parents, for which I'm glad. But I was a little surprised at how many wrote, "But I will still buy an organic mattress, because of the toxic fumes!"

The theory behind this is that mattresses which have been treated to be inflammable must give off fumes which are toxic for humans to breathe.

Personally, this doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I have a hard time believing that just about every industrialized country treats mattresses to make them less flammable, and adults sleep on them 8 hours a night every night for years and years, without a marked affect from the treatment. I think we'd definitely see some changes in rates of allergy/asthma problems from the times when mattresses began to be regularly treated. Maybe even other symptoms... headaches, for one, all kinds of sleep disorders, I can think of a million things that breathing toxic fumes would cause.

Regardless, *everyone* knows this is true. Googling "toxic mattress fumes," will pull up thousands of results confirming that mattresses are toxic. Of course, almost unanimously these are sites which are selling organic mattresses. Some are selling other things. Some just say it to say it. NONE have any proof whatsoever, that I've been able to find, that mattresses emit toxic fumes.

I'm not saying proof is not out there. I'm simply saying that it seems it would be easier to find. If this were really such a big problem, I cannot imagine that the CDC and similar organizations for other countries around the world, would not have researched it and made public their findings.

I did find this, from the National SIDS Council of Australia...
http://www.sidsandkids.org/documents/September2005_000.doc

Also check out their FAQ on safe sleeping. This is a PDF file.
http://svc021.wic005tp.server-web.com/documents/FAQOctober2006.pdf
They restate their position that the claim about gases from mattresses contributing to SIDS is patently false.

Here's a news article about mattress toxicity; please note that the person suggesting that mattresses are toxic is SELLING MATTRESSES!

Here's a press release about flammability regulations for mattresses with some very dramatic photos.
http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml06/06091.html

There are so many things in this universe to be legitmately worried about, I hate to think of so many people jumping at the shadow that is mattress fumes. On the other hand, if anyone has PROOF... real live scientific studies (which, IMO, it would be very very easy to conduct!) which prove that mattresses are toxic, please do let me know!

Posted by JoAnna at 03:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

There have been post after post on many mama message boards about the dangers of placing baby on an unwrapped mattress. This issue has been confusing the heck out of me, soooo...

Ok, so I bit my fear bullet and went on a search to find out what the deal was with the New Zealand studies about SIDS. Turns out that NZ previously had pretty high rates of SIDS and thus they initiated a big campaign to go after it.

Unfortunately the only sources I can find which cite mattress wrapping as a factor in reducing SIDS deaths are secondhand. The site usually referred to in disucssions about mattress-wrapping is cotdeath2000.co.nz. (Sorry, I'm deliberately not linking to it directly.) Cotdeath2000 is not affiliated with a medical organization. It's "someones" website. I tried to track it down, but the New Zealand domain registry service doesn't provide much in the way of information. I'd be interested to know what other domains these people own, but I do know they own both cotlife2000.co.nz and cotlife2000.com.

First thing I found, dated 2006, is an article about a scientist castigating Auckland University for releasing this study about cot death for publication; claims are made that the study is both biased and invalid.
http://www.scoop.co.nz/stories/GE0610/S00025.htm

The end of the article states:

The nationwide cot death rate has fallen by 70% since mattress-wrapping began and the Pakeha rate has fallen by around 85%. These reductions in cot death rates cannot be attributed to orthodox cot death prevention advice (e.g. face-up sleeping). There has been no material change to that advice in New Zealand since 1992.

But I went to the New Zealand Ministry of Health website (http://www.moh.govt.nz) and looked up SIDS and cot death, and was unable to find even a single mention there of mattress-wrapping. You'd think if it really made such a significant change, the MOH would discuss it on their site! So basically they make this claim about a reduction in the rate of SIDS with nothing to back it up, which seems very odd to me.

Here's some info from New Zealand's Ministry of Health for 2002 (the most recent year I could find).
http://www.nzhis.govt.nz/stats/fetal/sids.html
http://www.nzhis.govt.nz/stats/fetal/keyfacts.html

If you go to New Zealand's "HealthEd" database and search for SIDS, there are a series of articles discussing smoking, "back to sleep," safe bedsharing, and more on smoking. Nothing on mattress-wrapping. (Unfortunately these are not linkable).
http://www.healthed.govt.nz

Here's an article from NZ about (sad, sad) a SIDS case where the factor of smoking and bed sharing comes into play.
http://www.gisborneherald.co.nz/arti...iid=547&sud=27
(FWIW, NZ is not against bed sharing. But apparently smoking AND sharing a bed dramatically increases risks. Makes sense to me!)

Here's an article from Mothering magazine from 2002 in which no mention is made of mattress-wrapping...
http://www.mothering.com/articles/new_baby/sleep/taylor.html

Canada is not recommending mattress-wrapping...
http://www.dundasstarnews.com/dsn/news/news_629359.html

Nothing on the CDC website about it...
http://www.cdc.gov/SIDS/riskfactors.htm

Basically the only thing I have been able to find citing mattress wrapping are articles which refer back to the study listed at cotlife2000.co.nz. This link, which another poster posted (http://www.healthychild.com/cribdeathcause.htm) cites the man from the cotlife website (Sprott) as its source. So there are tons of websites talking about what they say on the cotlife website, but nothing else I can find. Not a single other source that I can find with any research or statistics to back it up. Plenty of sites selling mattress wrapping materials cite these statistics, though!

This article also says:

In spite of denial and opposition from orthodox SIDS organizations, no research has disproved this gaseous poisoning explanation for crib death.

Ok, someone please tell me why a SIDS organization would pooh pooh a possible cause for SIDS??? What would the motivation be? I don't understand that. Secondly, this is flawed logic. Disproved??? How would you "disprove" this??? So they say 800 people used mattress wrapping and not one had a case of SIDS. Who says there would've been a case of SIDS there ANYways????

This article goes on to say...

This logical finding explains every factor already known about crib death, and is backed by scientific research (Sprott 1996, 2000) and eight years of practical proof consisting of a crib death prevention campaign that continues in New Zealand.

Again their source is the same person, same thing, over and over again. Honestly, this seems like a pretty easy thing to track if ANY SIDS organization wanted to. I can't imagine that if the evidence were really so compelling, that Canada and the US government wouldn't have gotten on the bandwagon to see what effect it has.

Finally:

A 100% successful crib death prevention campaign has been going on in New Zealand for the past eight years. Midwives and other healthcare professionals throughout New Zealand have been actively advising parents to wrap mattresses. During this time, there has not been a single SIDS death reported among the over 100,000 New Zealand babies who have slept on mattresses wrapped in a specially formulated polyethylene cover. The number of crib deaths in New Zealand that have occurred since mattress-wrapping began in 1994 is about 550. The number of crib deaths that have occurred in New Zealand on a properly wrapped mattress is zero.

Gosh that sounds wonderful doesn't it? Except NOWHERE do they back it up. If this is true, why is it not on the New Zealand Ministry of Health website? Why is it not on ANY single solitary SIDS organization website? It just doesn't make any sense. Sure they have a list of references here; but most of those they are using to discuss general issues regarding SIDS. Not once do they actually attach a statistic to a valid source aside from this Sprott guy.

I would be grateful if anyone finds anything more than I have, if they'd post it... I've looked and looked! I just would like to be able to only be scared about things that really are a threat to my baby. It doesn't seem to me that mattresses are one of those things I should be too concerned about.

SIDS is a boogeyman to parents, IMO, and scares us to death. Scares me to death! I hate to think someone is preying on our desire to protect our children at any costs. So if there IS independant research about this and I'm not finding it, that is NOT sponsored by this Sprott guy or Baby Safe products, I'd be glad to hear it. I hate thinking people have unethical motivations for things like this.

Of course, everyone needs to make their own decisions for their family and their baby. Hopefully though, we can make decisions about things that are rooted in reality and not superstition or someone's desire to sell mattress-wrapping materials and "safer" mattresses.

Posted by JoAnna at 08:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Posted by JoAnna at 08:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So I took Tramp to the park for a walk last night, and while we are walking I notice a couple playing tennis on the tennis courts. They have a little girl (2-ish) wandering around the court while they play, and I see a stroller off to the side. As I get closer, I hear it.. a tiny, tiny baby, screaming with his whole little heart as hard as he can. And screaming, and screaming, and screaming. I see the mama walk towards the stroller and think, "Ah, she is going to get him!" But, nope. The tennis ball had come to rest right next to the stroller. She walked over, picked up the ball, and walked back to continue to play... completely ignoring her screaming infant.

When I say infant, I mean little; like newborn or maybe a few weeks old. You know how newborn babies have that very distinctive cry with no shape to it yet, just a desperate sound!

I found myself full of... sheer rage. I wanted to run over, punch that lady in the face, grab her little baby, and run. Really. I was steaming, my heart was hurting for this little guy, I thought I might cry.

Talk about hormonal!!!!! Research says that there are biological responses in a mama to her own babies cry. What about to other babies, though???

Anyways, as I continued to walk, I started making myself think of reasons *why* that mama could be so callous to her baby crying. Maybe she is just one of the "Cry It Out" crowd who believes that babies should self-comfort. (Total crap, in my opinion. Babies cry as a survival mechanism, not as manipulation!) Maybe. But even the CIO people usually don't advocate ignoring a baby crying until they are the ripe old age of four months, and this baby didn't sound anywhere near that old.

So, my next thought... amongst "JoAnna calm down!"'s over and over... was, maybe this baby has colic and is simply inconsolable and mama is going completely bonkers. Sometimes babies with colic simply won't calm no matter what you do, so I can see a mama at her wits end just winding up ignoring it.

But still, it was a little chilling to me to watch mama and daddy totally blase' about their babies screaming, and even the little two year old seemed to think it was perfectly normal to ignore a screaming baby. I wound up calming myself to the point of giving them the benefit of the doubt... I bet that baby has colic. I bet she is doing the very best she can. This is not the mommywars, and I am not on this earth to judge other mama's. But I wonder what most mama's do when dealing with colic... just ignore? Or something else?

Here's hoping I never REALLY need to know the answer to that!!!!!

Posted by JoAnna at 04:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So there I was, about 18 weeks pregnant. I'd been feeling occassional flutters, but nothing where I *knew* it was the baby. Just those little flutters you think to yourself, *maybe* that is the baby! I was still able to lie on my tummy for short periods of time, and I would frequently go into my bedroom, lie on my belly on the bed, and lean over the edge to pet my dog. He likes to sleep with just his head under the bed there, the whole rest of his body sticks out!

So I was lying there petting him when all of a sudden I felt like... THWAP! I shrieked, jumped, and rolled over immediately. It was like baby was saying... "HEY!!!! Get offa my house!" :)

The next time I really felt the baby strongly was when we were en route to Vegas. This was the first week of August, 2006, so I was a little over five months pregnant. While the plane was accelerating, I suddenly felt baby start to go bonkers... flipping and whirling and pushing and kicking and squirming! It felt kind of like when you go over a sudden hill on a road in the car and as you come over the top, your stomach gives a jump... except with added pressure! Also feels all at the same time, like someone is whacking your bladder as hard as they can.

I was a bit anxious over that as I couldn't get up to pee! But all I could think was that baby did not enjoy the pressure as we rose into the air!

Ever since that fateful day, this little squirmer has not stopped. She squirms, flips, wiggles, giggles, pushes, and basically makes her presence known throughout the day. I can't wait to meet her! :)

Posted by JoAnna at 03:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Posted by JoAnna at 04:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)