AP Baby

That's Worst Mama in the World, FYI...

Yesterday morning I really really wanted to lie on my LEFT side, but Bella wanted to nurse, and I was half asleep. So I rolled over on my left, and brought her with me, which meant she was closer to the edge of the bed, instead of in the middle, like usual.

See, usually if she rolls towards my side of the bed, she bumps into me. And she does that a LOT. She is always sleepily searching for mama.

But yesterday she rolled towards my side of the bed AND FELL OFF THE BED.

I woke up to hear her shrieking, grabbed her, cuddled her, she was just inconsolable. Of course it was dark and stuff, so I couldn't see really. Finally got her nursing and calmed down.

It wasn't until about a half hour later that I saw why she was crying *so* hard. As if it wasn't enough to wake up by falling out of the bed like that, she landed on the lid of a water bottle. A gallon jug, so the lid is about 2 inches in diameter. She has the perfect print of the lid on her forehead, in a cut. Perfectly circular cut on my baby's head. :(

Yep. WMITW! (Can't you hear Keith Olbermann saying that... Worst Mama in the WORRRRRRRRRRRRRLD!)

OK, the face in the first two photos is because I wouldn't give her the camera:

Is that pitiful or what? So I had to let her take some pictures of the messy kitchen.

(Oreos? What Oreos? You don't see any oreos. There are no oreos.)

And then I finally was able to sneak a good shot:

My poor baby!!!!!!!!!

Posted by JoAnna at 07:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Well I'm having my second post-baby cycle, and it has just knocked me on my ass. I slept for three hours during Bella's nap today, which is *nuts* for me. I'm just wiped. So tonight, after her bath, when Bella asked to go on Daddy's back, I thought.. YES! Score! They went out for a walk, and I was left to my own devices. Peace and quiet, for a change. It was almost 10 pm, so I felt perfectly reasonable to assume that Bella would be sleeping when they returned. I pulled out the laundry that needed folding, ordered The Boleyn Girl on OnDemand, and settled in to enjoy myself when...

...

Yep, they came back. "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii," echoing up through the hallway.

My husband said she wouldn't stop asking for me.

Er... and that matters to me HOW exactly? I don't think he gets, sometimes, that she spends All. Day. Long. asking for him. But he is at work, there is no option. Why not pretend I'm at work? *sigh*

Sometimes I just have a hard time shifting gears, and tonight was one of those times. Of course she immediately is getting into the laundry (she "helps" by picking up my nice neat piles and tossing them willy nilly), climbing all over me, wanting to nurse, wanting this and that and to watch Elmo and crocodiles and.. ARGH. Finally I get up, start straightening up, having decided to wear/vacuum her down.

I get to vacuuming, figuring it will only take a few minutes.

Er...

Well, 20 minutes later I am dripping with sweat, but she wakes up as soon as I turn off the vacuum. I decide that's ok, because she should really go to sleep on her own anyways now that she is wound down and sleepy. Put her in bed and she wants to nurse, she wants mama, she wants this and that. I nurse her for a minute (sometimes I think this nursing is like her way of proving that mama is really there with her), give her her bottle, and hope for the best. A few minutes later, thinking she is sleeping, I try to sneak away and...

She wakes completely.

So now she is out being driven down by my husband.

But you can't say I didn't try!

Of course now it is too late to watch the Boleyn Girl if I want to be functional in the morning.

Posted by JoAnna at 04:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I've never been a very disciplined person. Meaning I didn't have much discipline from my parents as a child, rebelled against the little they tried to provide when I was a teen, and have never really gotten the whole self-discipline thing very well. I am working on it, and I'm now working on providing more concrete, firm discipline for Bella as needed. I practice gentle discipline, I do not believe in spanking. I do think that children require limits and guidance and I am trying to give that to her. For example, she will take my water bottle, drink, and then throw it on the ground and walk off. I'm now finding a way to make her go back, pick it up, give it to me, and wipe up the water she got all over the place.

Continue reading "Discipline" »

Posted by JoAnna at 09:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I had a really, really rough day a few days ago. Way too many "bad mama" moments. One of them happened when my sweet, angelic daughter cast a devilish glance over her shoulder and *ran* away from me towards the street. I wanted to spank her so, so badly. The entire time I was getting her under control, I had a little rant going in my head: "You will not hit your daughter, do not hit your child, do not hit your child."

Continue reading "Freeze!" »

Posted by JoAnna at 03:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The Worst Mama in the World Award Goes to... ME!

Bella is ok, now. But for a minute there... not so much.in my brain on an endless loop?

We were packing up stuff from our old house to move to our new house this weekend. One of my friends came over with her little boy (three weeks older than Bella) while we were packing things up. Very distracting situation. The kids wanted outside, even though it was cold and wet, and inevitably they discovered the moving truck with big ramp going up and down. We were walking them up and down the ramp and they were having an absolute blast! Then Charlie's dad grabbed Bella's hand and was walking her up and down the ramp. My friend asked me for a tissue for her son, whose nose was running. I turned my back and took two steps to grab her a tissue when I heard my FIL scream "NO", and then I am not sure what I heard. Bella had fallen off the back of the truck. I ran out and grabbed her up into my arms, ran back into the house assuming we'd have a good nurse and cuddle and check for bumps and bruises. As we walked into our living room I realized her face was frozen, mouth open in a huge O, a silent scream, no air moving one way or the other. I started saying, "Bella, BREATHE," and gave her a little shake. No breath. No breath. Then her eyes closed, her body went totally limp, totally totally limp, little face turning blue. I smacked her cheeks gently and yelled, BELLA BREATHE. Nothing. Nothing nothing, limp little one in my arms. I told my husband to call 911. I asked if my friend knew CPR, she did not. I started doing mouth to mouth, no resistance, my breath just filling her up. Three breaths? Four? And then she was screaming and I started crying, my heart, oh my god, almost lost you there my girl! Screaming and screaming and screaming! Screaming until the paramedics arrived, screaming while they checked her, finally calming down a tiny bit after we strapped her into the carseat in the ambulance.

Finally at the hospital, stupid bitch nurse, why do I always get the bitchy nurses? Wanting a rectal temp, and that stupid O2 monitor, arggghh, Bella just freaking out the whole time. The doctor was nice but seemed very cursory, like this whole thing was no big deal. Said that Bella just "got the wind knocked out of her." Everything checks out fine, she is fine but cranky/sore/tired today. We wound up staying over in Hagerstown about an hour into our drive back; I was just too exhausted to keep going and Bella was so out of sorts. I couldn't fall asleep though, just kept replaying that moment in my mind, when her eyes rolled back, lids closed, body went limp. Awful. Awful awful! I am the worst mom in the world. How could I turn my back on her? How could I do that? I feel so awful.

She is FINE NOW. (Cranky/tired/out of sorts, but fine. Pupils fine, no marks on her except a big bruise on one elbow! She fell two feet onto cement!)

But when will I be fine and have this awful movie of what happened stop playing in my brain on an endless loop?

My husband just googled and found this article which I want to share with EVERYONE in the universe because I wish I had known this ahead of time.

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0816/is_6_23/ai_n19395000

So apparently it is pretty common to happen. My gosh, why didn't someone tell me about that before? Horrible, horrible!!!!!

I'm going to take a CPR class.

Posted by JoAnna at 04:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)